Current:Home > ContactNarcissists have a type. Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell. -Thrive Success Strategies
Narcissists have a type. Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
View
Date:2025-04-15 10:05:15
Plenty of people have a "type" when it comes to dating. Narcissists are no exception.
Mental health experts warn some people are narcissist magnets − meaning they attract people who exhibit grandiosity, lack of empathy and other narcissistic traits.
These people tend to be high in empathy and other qualities narcissists prey on, or they have attributes like beauty, wealth or status that bring narcissists attention and validation, also known as narcissistic supply.
"Narcissists need narcissistic supply, meaning attention, validation and recognition from other people to fuel their grandiose sense of self," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "That means narcissists will naturally be drawn to people who are highly agreeable, who go with the flow, want to keep the peace, don't like conflict."
Are you a narcissist magnet?
Narcissists exploit others' empathy; so, if you're highly empathic, you're going to be appealing to narcissists.
"People who tend to attract narcissists are those who assume the best in others or always see someone's potential or who believe everyone can change and deserves a second chance," Cole says. "These patterns include things like overthinking, being easily guilted, second-guessing yourself, assuming the best in people, having a compassionate heart and being sensitive to others' feelings."
Narcissists target empaths because they tend to share their vulnerabilities more quickly, thus giving narcissists ammunition to hurt or manipulate them, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse."
One way narcissists get empaths to open up is by revealing their own traumas early into dating.
"Humans do social reciprocity," Sarkis says. "When you're an empathic person, we tend to respond in kind, because this person just shared this stuff with us, so we are more likely to share our stuff when it's too early to do that. Keep in mind: People earn our vulnerability."
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist," says people who grew up in narcissistic family systems can also fall into narcissistic relationships if they haven't worked on their trauma bonds.
She also says people who grew up in loving families may be magnets, since they tend to approach relationships with more naivete, as are those going through big life transitions, since they tend to be more emotionally vulnerable.
"Interestingly, people from incredibly happy families can be vulnerable, because they believe in love and they believe love can solve everything and all relationship problems can get worked out," she says. "They might also get locked into a cycle of forgive, forgive, forgive."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Do you keep attracting narcissists? Here's what to know:
If you think you might be a narcissist magnet, mental health experts offer the following tips for dating:
- Channel your inner cynic: Durvasula urges narcissist magnets to stay wary of love bombing and vigilant of red flags. "Generally in life, if it's too good to be true, it is," she says.
- Trust your intuition: "For empaths and highly sensitive people, the most important thing they can learn to do is to start trusting their intuition and their gut feelings," Cole says. "If you can start trusting how you feel and start leaning into your intuition rather than getting upset with it or judging it, that will be very helpful."
- Don't feel rude about leaving a date early: "We also need to normalize leaving a situation without feeling like we're being rude," Sarkis says. "Sometimes you have to just leave if you see some of these behaviors, because the longer you're sitting there with a narcissist, the more chances they have to pull you in."
- Know yourself: The better you know yourself – your values, preferences, strengths and weaknesses − the harder for narcissists to manipulate you. "The more you know about you, the less likely you are to believe what the narcissist says about you," Cole says. "A narcissist will continually gaslight you and try to control the narrative in the relationship and try to paint you as someone you're not."
- Learn what a healthy relationship looks like: "I'm struck by how many people say, 'I guess I've always worked off a checklist. I wanted someone who was hot, and I wanted someone who had a great job, and I wanted someone where we could have this really nice life and buy a house.' That's all nice stuff, but what about the kindness, the compassion, the respect, the mutuality, the reciprocity?" Durvasula says. "I can tell you, as a shrink, that's the only thing that matters."
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
veryGood! (218)
Related
- South Korea's acting president moves to reassure allies, calm markets after Yoon impeachment
- Trump’s attacks on US justice system after guilty verdict could be useful to autocrats like Putin
- Emma Chamberlain Celebrates Her High School Graduation at Age 23 With Heartwarming Photos
- Google admits its AI Overviews can generate some odd, inaccurate results
- Apple iOS 18.2: What to know about top features, including Genmoji, AI updates
- Biden allows limited Ukrainian strikes inside Russia using U.S.-provided weapons
- Robert Plant and Alison Krauss are equal parts ribbing and respect ahead of summer tour
- Rainbow flag meaning: A brief history lesson on how the Pride flag came to be
- Where will Elmo go? HBO moves away from 'Sesame Street'
- New Jersey attorney general blames shore town for having too few police on boardwalk during melee
Ranking
- Newly elected West Virginia lawmaker arrested and accused of making terroristic threats
- Caitlin Clark and Indiana Fever edge Angel Reese and Chicago Sky for first home win, 71-70
- Nelly Korda among shocking number of big names who miss cut at 2024 U.S. Women's Open
- Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes Prove They're the Ones to Beat at White House Celebration With Chiefs
- Costco membership growth 'robust,' even amid fee increase: What to know about earnings release
- Don't take Simone Biles' greatness for granted. We must appreciate what she's (still) doing.
- Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Kyle Richards Shares Affordable Outdoor Entertaining Essentials
- Inside a huge U.S. military exercise in Africa to counter terrorism and Russia and China's growing influence
Recommendation
The Best Stocking Stuffers Under $25
Former General Hospital star Johnny Wactor shot and killed in downtown LA, family says
Feds charge retired 4-star Navy admiral in alleged bribery scheme
Who is Alvin Bragg? District attorney who prosecuted Trump says he was just doing his job
Chuck Scarborough signs off: Hoda Kotb, Al Roker tribute legendary New York anchor
Idaho jury deliberating sentence for man who killed wife and girlfriend’s 2 children
Helicopter crashes in a field in New Hampshire, officials say
Illinois House speaker’s staff sues to unionize